I am talking about ME! Yes, I am terrible at getting in my own way sometimes when I am trying to move forward. I don't know why I do it, when I do it, or when it really happens. I just know that I get "stuck" and literally stand in my own way. I am my own worst enemy and that mantra was written for me by some unknown who knows me better than I know myself. I absolutely hate when this happens because I feel that I have missed opportunities for growth. I don't know why I hold myself back. I think that that weird word called "fear" makes her presence known and ruffles the feathers of moving forward. I know that I am smart (not a genius or gifted) but I have successfully finished high school, finished undergrad school with a major in business and art history, finished graduate school in less than one year (THAT was one hell of a year) in education, and have continued to earn credits towards yet another degree (if I so choose)! No, I am not stupid but can do school. My last graduate class I took just a couple months ago on Theories of Elementary Mathematics in Schools I earned a perfect 100. I aimed for a good grade but didn't expect this grade. I am pleased.
Now, why the heck can't I just learn to step aside and let life move me along...ebb then flow? Why? Why? Why? I always had a "plan". I planned for my future and worked hard to avoid challenging and difficult situations. I capitalized on benefits offered through my employment, I own my car, I bought a house, I pay my bills, vote, wear my seat belt, follow the speed limits, and say a prayer for funeral processions I pass by. But, yet, I am in my own way because the "plan" changed. It changed in a way that was unexpected and my flexibility has weakened over the years. I know what I want...I just can't get myself there. Funny how complex life can be even more-so when you are an analytical person LIKE I AM ! I need to stop analyzing everything and just let sleeping dogs lie. Right? "Leave it alone"
I tell myself but it just doesn't happen.
I am a spiritual person and always hope that the next thing will be better. I hope that one day I will be able to step aside and get out of my own way so the other me can get going!
Thanks for stopping by and listening to my drama!
Me mummy feels the same way. Like some cosmic force is blocking her from becoming who she is inside and should be in the world. She breaks through for a few moments in time and then...BAM! it knocks her down off her high once again. I wish the spirits and universe that be would take pity on all those individuals who wish to fly with their true selves, who constantly struggle towards it, who pray, wish and hope for it. I wonder who is really out there listening and why do they CONTINUALLY say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no again.....? I know there is something out there, so why doesn't it help good people like you and me mummy? Just wondering.
ReplyDeleteOh, Maggie, I knew the sleeping dog wouldn't just lie! I knew you would understand this crazy dog world! The cosmic forces are against you and you just wait for that lightbulb to light up but for some reason it never does. You wait for opportunity to knock on your door but what do you do when you sit, wait, and all you hear is silence. We are smart Maggie...so is your mom...heck, she went to art school and can design a kitchen to a "t" but yet we are in our own way. Any advice you can give to your Mummy and I would be greatly appreciated since you know how to get in and out of trouble pret-ty easily. Heck, you received a "free", yes, "free" ride in the police car and I don't know who gets a free ride unless they arrive at destination B with bars and a lock.
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