Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Get Out Of My Way, Now!
I am talking about ME! Yes, I am terrible at getting in my own way sometimes when I am trying to move forward. I don't know why I do it, when I do it, or when it really happens. I just know that I get "stuck" and literally stand in my own way. I am my own worst enemy and that mantra was written for me by some unknown who knows me better than I know myself. I absolutely hate when this happens because I feel that I have missed opportunities for growth. I don't know why I hold myself back. I think that that weird word called "fear" makes her presence known and ruffles the feathers of moving forward. I know that I am smart (not a genius or gifted) but I have successfully finished high school, finished undergrad school with a major in business and art history, finished graduate school in less than one year (THAT was one hell of a year) in education, and have continued to earn credits towards yet another degree (if I so choose)! No, I am not stupid but can do school. My last graduate class I took just a couple months ago on Theories of Elementary Mathematics in Schools I earned a perfect 100. I aimed for a good grade but didn't expect this grade. I am pleased.
Now, why the heck can't I just learn to step aside and let life move me along...ebb then flow? Why? Why? Why? I always had a "plan". I planned for my future and worked hard to avoid challenging and difficult situations. I capitalized on benefits offered through my employment, I own my car, I bought a house, I pay my bills, vote, wear my seat belt, follow the speed limits, and say a prayer for funeral processions I pass by. But, yet, I am in my own way because the "plan" changed. It changed in a way that was unexpected and my flexibility has weakened over the years. I know what I want...I just can't get myself there. Funny how complex life can be even more-so when you are an analytical person LIKE I AM ! I need to stop analyzing everything and just let sleeping dogs lie. Right? "Leave it alone"
I tell myself but it just doesn't happen.
I am a spiritual person and always hope that the next thing will be better. I hope that one day I will be able to step aside and get out of my own way so the other me can get going!
Thanks for stopping by and listening to my drama!