Monday, June 13, 2011


Yes, our society is on the Reduce, Reuse, Recycle bandwagon and there is a tremendous push to use less and reuse what we can like it is a "new" trend. Don't get me wrong, I love this trend and welcome this philosophy as much as possible. This is an area where extremism is not a bad thing! Reducing our waste and carbon footprint will only help everyone and everything in the long run and take into consideration our future generations what is best for them and their families.

This is not the  kind of disposable I am talking about though. I am talking about the human aspect of disposable and how we relate to one another. It bothers me deeply how we have come to relate to one another. It seems that good honest friendships are really hard to find despite what friendships look like on the outside. I have heard people refer to their "best friend" and then when they are not present talk about them like they were the enemy. Kids one day are sharing and the next day that information has turned into gossip and feelings are hurt. I've seen people talk to one another respectfully and the next day say some of the cruelest things about that person. What does one do when they are in this position? Standing up for the underdog is not easy because if you've seen cruel in action you want to do all that is possible so you don't become the topic of those cruel comments.
I guess I don't really understand friendships. I do but I don't! People who you "thought" were good friends over a period of time end up not keeping the friendship alive. But friends who you had at one point and were distanced by time (or life!) end up calling you one day and it was like time never passed. How is this possible? Who cares how it is possible, it feels good when it happens! For some reason, friendships that developed as a kid and into the teen years are some of the most precious and honest friendships one can have. Maybe because life then hadn't influenced our minds to treat people any different than how we wanted to be treated. I don't know. What I do know is that over recent months I have had friends from years past get in touch and it has been very nice. Really nice. It was like time stood still and preserved the friendship as it once was. Conversation is easy! Questions aren't asked!

Adult friendships are different than childhood friendships and I can't get my mind around why. I have a  great friend whom I met during my freshman orientation for college and to this day, if we don't talk for a couple days "something" has to be wrong. It is a unique friendship in that we don't do a lot together but we talk almost daily...and I mean talk. We are talking "details"! If you ever want to eaves drop I can honestly say that in a half hour conversation 25 minutes of that conversation is spent on sharing details...clothes, time, this, that! It helps us paint the picture of what we experienced. This friend knows "everything" about me and I know "everything" about her...and how we relate to our lives and the people in it. We do not live in the same state but can tell by the tone of a message what is going on. Funny thing is...we both want details. What time did he call? How long? What was his reaction when? What did you wear? What did you say? Did you cry? How fast were you driving? ............details............details that really don't matter to most of the conversation but for some reason details are necessary for us! It is an honest adult friendship that developed when we were both 18 just starting college...we are now much older! (sheesh - how time flies)!

I don't have answers as to how to handle different friendships, am saddened when friendships don't turn out the way you want them to and am disappointed when what you thought existed was really just imagination. It takes two people to nurture, feed, and grow the friendship. TRUST is the first ingredient that must never be replaced. HONESTY is the second ingredient that also can never be replaced. IF these two pieces are always the main ingredients, you are bound to have a lifelong friendship with someone. If these two ingredients are replaced by one person, the friendship will likely dissolve. I have learned a lot about the kind of friendships I have, I want, and I need in my life. What I have learned is that when you are my friend I will show you respect and will always have trust and honesty at the forefront of our friendship. For those people who are my friends, thank you. For those people who will be my friends in the future, I can't want to meet you.

No matter what if you are not willing to be a friend to someone all the time, don't waste your time in developing the friendship. Disposing someone like the relationship didn't matter is hurtful, cruel, and only shows a lack of character and integrity in you.

(photos are personal property of color of inspiration)

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