Sunday, June 26, 2011

You're Not Good Enough...Hearts in Nature

You're Not Good Enough...Hearts of Love

Have you ever been told that you were "not good enough" by someone? Was it recent or in times past? Was it by someone you knew or just getting to know? Was it by someone with whom you held in high regard or someone you didn't really like? Was this person male or female? An -ex? Did it have to do with a personal situation or a professional one?

Have you been told more than once that you were "not good enough"?

How devastating! Having someone {regardless of who "they" are} utter those words to you rips through your soul faster than an E5 tornado! I bet you didn't forget that moment in time when you felt like time stood still and you really needed to pinch yourself into thinking that what was going on wasn't really happening to you...but it was. I bet you can tell the details of that moment: who you were with, where you were, what you were wearing, the time of day, the song on the radio, where you were going...Those moments are the absolute worst moments in someone's life! They are unforgetable! If you are an endearing person you probably have been in more than one frozen in time moments where your whole soul is rattled to the core.

These moments really grip you, they hold you prisoner as you try to take one step at a time and walk away but you feel like you are wearing lead boots with super glue on the bottom! Then you stop and think and you question "what just happened? what really just happened?" You walk away in confusion trying to process the words "you're not good enough". What comes next? Tears? Anger? Frustration? Or are you so shocked that you are shaken into silence? A silence that can only be assumed by others that something bad happened but yet you cannot compose yourself enough to form the words to say what just happened. You stand confused not knowing what to do, what to say, who to turn to, and how to react to the news. "Not good enough" hurts regardless of the details of the situation because to a normal person the reaction is the same...pain. If you are the kind of person that feels the pain I sense that you are a good person to begin with. Those who don't feel that pain when hearing those words "you're not good enough" lack empathy {I think}.

Then...what do you do? You've come to realize that ideas that you thought were...really aren't, your perception of how things are to be...aren't, the values that you hold on to...have been challenged. What do you do? You hold on tight to those ringing words "you're not good enough" forever despite the fact that you don't ever want to remember them, read them, or say them ever again in your life...those words hold on to you tighter than glue. Letting go is not an option. These words come to define you as a person. They hold the roadmap to where you are going and recall where you have been. They imprison you and hold you captive to THAT moment in time.

How do you get over it? How do you heal? How do you take steps to move forward by leaving these words in the past? What actions are needed? What is the Life Lesson that you were meant to learn from such a defining moment in your life? Where do you go from here? All these questions invade your thought process over and over and over again. You try to escape. You try to move on. But as you try these words have altered you so dramatically that you realize you will never be the same person again because of these words. This saddens you.

Then one day someone says to you "get over it will you!" I don't know what is worse to hear "you're not good enough" or "get over it". Your emotions don't know where their safe place is anymore and you begin to doubt everything and everyone you come into contact with. You begin to question who you can trust, how much you should let out, and who you should let in. Your defenses are up all because of these words, four words that when put together, devastate, alter, manipulate those parts of you that you deemed untouchable. You have been challenged. Your soul has been challenged. You are now left to pick up the pieces of You but the pieces don't fit the same way they once did.

How long does it take to pick yourself up and put yourself back together again? Really, how long? Honestly, I don't think that you were ever supposed to forget about what happened to you when these words "you're not good enough" were spoken to you. I don't think that forgiveness is necessary. I don't believe in forgiveness. To me forgiveness gives permission to the other party for doing you wrong and you are left to deal. Forgiveness allows the other party power in what they did to you and defines you as the victim. "I forgive you" to me means that I am letting you treat me the way you want and I have no voice. I struggle with the word forgiveness.

When you have been told these words and they impact you in such a powerful dramatic way, you have now been granted permission to go on a journey. The journey of self discovery. The journey of new growth. The journey of the unknown. It is scary. The roadmap that you were once following is no longer so now you have to start over. Is it a bad thing to be forced into starting over? You are now on a journey to clarify your life and redefine your being. Birth a new soul. It is possible but not easy. Those unexposed, secret core values that you store in you own Pandora's Box is where you go. They will help lead you but it takes time. Sometimes a long, long time but they will help you through the life of such damaging, redefining words "you're not good enough". You can NOT allow the other party to judge you and hold this judgement over you for the rest of your life. Time, energy, thoughts must be filled with beautiful things that bring you joy and happiness.

If you look around in nature there is a lot of love which is where I got the title Hearts in Nature. There are a lot of hearts in nature. One day after learning about some news of a friend I went for a walk to reflect on this news and the more I looked around the more I saw hearts, lots of them! So, no matter how hard life can be and if you are someone who has had a life gripping, self-altering moment of being told "you're not good enough" take a walk and see if you can find any love in nature. I bet with clear thought and a keen eye you will be able to find your own love out there in places you least expect. Upon your return you will feel lighter and touched in a way only you and nature share! So, go ahead, go for that walk and find nature's treasures of love!

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